Purposeful Steps

Papers have been signed, photos have been taken, and soon, a sign will be in the yard. That's right- this beautiful house is for sale! I'm very excited we're making such progress in our goal to go after the life we really want. It is scary, to put this house on the market when the market itself is so dry. Let's call this an act of extreme trust in our realtor. There are and handfull of people who have helped me in very stressful times in my life;  parents, aunts, nurses, wedding planner, and now, realtor. If you find a good one, hold on tight!

We hope more properties pop up in our favorite rural area, south-east of the metro area soon. For now, bring on the showings, because this house is CLEAN! 

A New Year

The first day of a new year lends itself to pondering my life's meaning. I can't help it. Intention is in the air. Purpose pulls at me- Find yourself. Figure things out.

It's easy to see this year will be another of pivotal change for our family. We're unsettled in our current house and are in the process of finding a home in a new area. We're hoping to embark on a new way of living, homesteading. We want to grow our own food, learn to hunt, care for, and cultivate. We want to spend much more time outside and much less inside. These are the things we're keeping in mind as our house-hunt evolves into a land-hunt. The other side of this adventure is preparing our current house to show, and hopefully sell. Sorting through belongings, downsizing, decluttering, cleaning- such tasks are less fun than hanging out with our realtor, yet obviously essential. It feels good to have a purpose after spinning our wheels a bit over the holidays.

On a personal level, this year I'll be writing more. I have so many ideas percolating, and I've always found writing to be therapeutic. I can't wait to dive back in. I'll have to make a conscious effort to invest more time in this area. 

Overall, there is nothing new in our 2013 agenda. We're always trying to do better, learn more, and get to the point. What the New Year does, is solidify those things we want to do, and bring new life to our goals. For that, I'm grateful to this day.

Infertility- A Massive Holiday Ouchie

I often feel I have no business writing about infertility, because my struggle has been secondary infertility, and I have two sons from my first marriage. I'm fighting my fears, though, because today I have witnessed such pain amongst friends on my social media sites. Friends feeling empty and lonely. Friends who have no children to wrap presents for. Friends who have been pregnant but lost the babies they should be spoiling on their first holiday. Friends who have exited their initial infertility battle with a babe in arms, but who still feel traumatized by the journey they've been on. Friends who may never have the opportunity to grow their families they way they long to.

It matters not how long your infertility struggle has been, or what your journey has been like; if you haven't been able to build your family the way you want, it is completely understandable that today hurts. Even if you have a child running around the tree, you may ache for the other ones you lost, or the ones you can never have. I have longed for a large family since I was a young girl. I dreamed of having baby after baby. I wished for twins more than anything. These dreams have not come true. Though I do have my boys, it will never stop hurting that S and I cannot have a baby together in the way we wanted. It will always hurt that we lost our one pregnancy after four years of trying. We will always look around on Christmas, and wish we had more children. Such is our lot.

I have no words of wisdom and I can't heal hearts. I sat down to write tonight with one mission only- to tell those who are hurting this holiday that you are are not alone. Your pain is valid. Your struggle is not unseen. I know you're crying in your bathroom after your sister-in-law announced another pregnancy. I recognize your jealousy of the beautiful big bellies you see at church. I share your pangs when you gaze upon My First Christmas onesies.

Please know you are cared for. Please allow yourself the full range of emotions coursing through you. You needn't suffer alone. There are so many of us. If we all reach out, there are surely enough arms to catch everyone. XO

A Very Special Solstice

On the longest night of the year, our family settled in to experience Winter Solstice. This was our first time to mark the event as a holiday. In our search for specialness, and with our lack of tradition, we latched onto this night as a tangible, natural celebration.

Dark night, bright tree

Lately in Denver, the sun disappears over the Rocky Mountains not long after four thirty in the afternoon. So for us, what better event to invest in, than the returning of longer days? We're lucky to live in a place where the sun shines intensely, and the cloudy days are few, but oh how we've felt the shortness of that warm light these last few months! Yes, Winter Solstice is a logical place for us to begin building a sense of sacredness in our holiday season.

A beautiful, yet early backyard sunset

We live in a newly developed area, so the trees are tiny and sparse, but we still have flocks of birds visit daily. We made them some treats to help them through the cold season. Popcorn garland making is sort of a two in the mouth, one on the string activity, fyi.

Popcorn garland for the feathered friends

Instead of planning an ornate holiday meal, we just made our favorites. Pizza and hamburgers, fried potatoes, and cookies. Lots of cookies!

Peanut butter cookies for the young people

As the night wore on (and on) we watched our current favorite Netflix show, Merlin, and consumed copious amounts of root beer and wine. Merlin is a retelling of the old King Arthur legends! Fabulous family series!

Bubbly spirits for the old people 

All in all, our first time celebrating Solstice was one of the most special nights I can remember. There was a depth to all our activities, as we conversed about nature, and just spent time doing what we love. We exchanged gifts and played with new toys by the tree. We ate and laughed by candlelight. We stayed up into the wee hours and slept in the next day. It was nearly perfect, and I'm so grateful we've found a meaningful tradition to continue year after year.

A celebration of the returning light, special for us all

Wishing you all a very special holiday season. XO

Seeking The Special

Well here we are on the last day of November. I didn't complete my NaBloPoMo writing challenge, but S completed his kettlebell swing challenge! He has amazing stick-to-it abilities, which is so inspiring!

In the last few weeks I've been looking toward December, thinking of ways to bring a sense of special to our holiday season. I've made mental lists of festive ideas for our family. Then our beloved cat was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. All holiday plans dropped from my mind, replaced with concern over the remaining days of our cat's life, and worry of how his loss will impact us.

But life moves ever forward, and I want to make the most of it. So today I'm revisiting some of those December ideas, and I hope that I'll still be able to pull some of them off. I will start by listing them here, as a reminder. This will be a very relaxed Holiday Bucket List.

• Eat more evening meals at the table
• Use the snowman dishes
• Light candles when the sun sets
• Watch holiday movies
• Take photos of special ornaments and blog about their stories

I'll be focusing on this short list in hopes of bringing warmth to our short days and long nights. If something on this list ends up satisfying, I'll be glad to nourish it as a new tradition. Onward! 

One last holiday with this kitty. Make every moment count. 

Oh The Places We Go

This weekend we are going back to Roxborough State Park. We'll take the big camera and the tripod and attempt a holiday family photo. It shouldn't be hard to find a good backdrop!

Holiday Prep

Our day began with some holiday gift making...

And ended with a living room reboot! Now there's room for our tree, which we'll put up next week.