Home Sweet Meh

Last Spring we lost our rental when it was foreclosed and auctioned. We were so sad. We had planned on renting that house for at least a few more years, giving Steve time to become an American citizen and begin to build credit. Instead we were faced with eviction, plus a rental market taking full advantage of desperate non-home-owners. Once we realized we could not afford to rent in the Denver Metro Area, we called a realtor and learned we would be able to buy with my credit alone. We had one weekend to find a house. I don't recommend anyone buy under that sort of pressure, if it's at all avoidable. Looking back, we did what we needed to do, but oh do I feel we've paid the cost.

The Denver Metro Area is vast, made up by several suburbs and neighborhoods, all smooshed together like a jigsaw puzzle. Finding the right place to live when you're a transplant is tricky. We ended up with a brand new beautiful home in the absolute wrong-for-us part of town. We did the best we could. We thought we'd adjust and love it here, but several months later we find ourselves still unsettled.

We're working with a realtor to see what else is available to us back on the west part of town where we lived the first year and a half after moving to Colorado. If we find something we love, we'll list this house and hopefully navigate the closing dance without too much trauma.

It's hard to admit, sometimes, that change is needed. It's even harder, I think, to come to terms with not loving a place you really, really want to love. But sometimes the fear of change is less scary than the idea of just muddling through, never really comfortable, never really blooming.

Time-Tampering- WHY?

The sun shines warm and bright about 300 days a year here in Denver, which is surprising as we get around 57 inches of snow per year. But a lot of that snow melts fast, and in Denver, you build your snowman knowing he'll be a puddle within a few days.

With the end of Daylight Savings Time coming on the third cloudy day in a row, I found myself roaming around the house like a zombie. I never realized how much I needed sunshine until I moved here and got spoiled on it! Now I'm turning on all the bulbs in the house, just desperate for more light!

How do you handle time changes, and the shortening days and lengthening darkness of Winter? Do you know why we do this silly time-tampering? I didn't, until I watched this short video-

Daylight Savings Time Explained

I'm off to bake cookies. I'll bask in the glow of the oven for a bit. Toasty. Wishing you all sunny days and snowmen in the shade!

Learning Optimism- The Nitty-Gritty

Yesterday I shared a short review of the book Learned Optimism. Today I want to tell you about the tools I've taken from this book and applied to my daily confrontations with adversity. We all react to adversity in a way that's been fashioned over time. Our thoughts solidify into beliefs over many years. We may find ourselves reacting in a way that is so natural, it may seem there is no way to change what we believe, even if we recognize the way we think is hurting us. The awesome truth is we CAN change our minds!

I've often felt paralyzed by the long-turning broken records in my head. Now I take those thoughts and break them open, examining what's deep in the grooves, discarding what I can discredit. I do this with tools I collected in Learned Optimism. When I find myself faced with adversity, and the resulting belief is negative, here's how I break it all down and reason my way toward optimism.

• Evidence- what backs up this negative belief? What are the facts? Be a detective!
• Alternatives- what else could be happening besides my negative belief? Is there a less destructive way to view this situation? Is there anything changeable to focus on? Something specific and non-personal?
• Implications- even if my negative belief IS true, what are the real implications of that belief? 
• Usefulness- what good will it do to believe these negative thoughts? Will this belief help me? 
• Energization- what will happen if I change this belief? What's the payoff of optimism? 

Now I'll give you a real-life example of these tools in action.

Adversity
I forgot to pay a medical bill in time. The result is a notice of collections during a time when there is no extra money.
Resulting Belief
I'm so stupid and forgetful! I can't believe I didn't pay this bill on time. At this age I should know how to budget! I'll never pay this bill off. Surely my credit is ruined. How could I be so irresponsible?
Consequence
I'm in tears. I'm panicked over money. I'm mad at myself. I'm ashamed of myself. (Time to dispute!)

• Evidence- The bill IS late. It IS in collections. My credit WILL suffer if I can't pay this. I DO typically pay bills on time. I HAVE been going through a rough time. My mind HAS been on other things, like a sick child. I AM responsible for caring for this child. 
• Alternatives- Maybe I'm not stupid. Maybe I've been overly tired from caring for my child. Maybe my memory is lapsing due to stress. I've not asked for help, and maybe I should.
• Implications- Even if I am forgetful, there have got to be ways to still get things done. Even if I can't pay this entire bill, I will pay what I can, and I will not lose my home over one late medical bill. Credit is fixable. 
• Usefulness- I have been overly tired and forgetful. I can use this realization to learn to ask for help. I can also seek out tools to remind me to pay bills. I can call the biller and ask for a reduction in payment, or more time. 
• Energization- If I implement a budget tool and ask for help, I'll be more effective. I will pay my medical bills on time. I can feel good about the ways I'm becoming more responsible. I can show my kids how to withstand the stress of medical bills and have a happy life.

There you go! That's how I've been learning to fight off my negative thoughts, replacing them with factual, reasonable assessments, and plans of how to move forward! I actually keep track of such exercises in my Self Care journal. Usually I can work through the dispute in my head. Sometimes I have to write it all down and really take my time. Other times I do this aloud, with my husband, or with my kids! I think this is a great skill set to hand to our children, especially if they've learned some pessimism from our modeling. All we can do is try to be better. And I think it's reasonable to believe the effort will pay off. 

Against The Grain- How I'm Learning Optimism

My rose colored glasses are bloody. My window to the world is muddy. I, unfortunately, am bent toward the negative. Whether due to early experiences, or natural temperament,  I'm a bit (much) of a pessimistic human. Now, I'm not down on myself, or even ashamed of how I think, but I do recognize the power of thoughts on the shape of my world. In hopes of finding my way to a less-gloomy life, I sought out some new tools. Enter Learned Optimism, and my Self Care journal.

Self-help books can be a bit... well, I guess I feel every Tom, Dick, And Harry has a book for sale, claiming ability to change my life if I just do what they did in their life. And I just don't buy into that. Or buy those books. Life is subjective. People are autonomous. I think trying to model the behavior of one individual can set several up for disappointment. Of course, I'm a pessimist. ;-)

What sold me on this book was a review from another author. I thought, well I like what this person writes, and I trust their review, so I'm going to give this a go. I'm so glad I did, because I've learned some valuable lessons. Learned Optimism paints a dreary picture of pessimism, and the impact of negativity on one's life. Then it provides a test, so you can figure out just how pessimistic you are. Well that was fun! Not! I had to move on FAST from the devastating, yet already known results of my test. In fact, I skipped a huge portion of the book just to get from test results to TELL ME HOW TO FIX MYSELF BEFORE I MOVE INTO A CAVE!!!

In the Change section of the book, the author lays out a very clear path to battle negative thinking. By learning to distract, dispute, and distance myself from my beliefs during adversity, I'm gaining control of my thoughts. Hooray!

This post is getting a little too long for my taste, but I will write another post soon about how I'm specifically using the tools in Learned Optimism to find balance and hope in my daily life. Stay tuned! In the meantime, if you want to check out Learned Optimism, the link below will take you to Amazon.

Learned Optimism: How To Change Your Mind And Your Life (on Amazon)

Let's Do NaBloPoMo!

It's November, and my how the months have flown by! When we started this blog over the summer, we were so excited to share our lives, but as the days dragged on, we found ourselves uninspired, and burned out. This apathy has been wide-sweeping and we are just so fed up with it! Last night S and I discussed ways to break free from monotony, and strategies to find passion again. One thing we both want to do is contribute to our blogs, and that's why I'm participating in NaBloPoMo, which is National Blog Posting Month. It starts today!

NaBloPoMo doesn't set many guidelines. Write as much as you want, wherever you want, however you want. Just write and post daily! Some people start fresh blogs, write for a month, and never return. Some people spread posts over several blogs. I think I'll do well sticking to this blog, as it gives a nice perimeter of topics. I'm sure the posts will vary in length and depth, and I'll likely utilize photos as inspiration, or to round out days when I can't write more than a few sentences.

Are the darkening days leaving you unfulfilled and tired? Would you consider committing to writing  on a blog every day this month? If so, let's do NaBloPoMo!

Shorter days bring me down. Let's write! 

Worry much?

I read a blog post this morning, a simple, short post. It may be what I needed to change my life entirely.

First of all, here is a link to said blog post, it is short and sweet, an easy read- From Enjoyparenting.com

Well? Life changing, right? For me, it just may be. I worry. I worry ALL.THE.TIME. I obsess, I dramatize, I CREATE anxiety within my self. Now, it is true that my nature tends to be more emotional and "feely" and of course I'm not referring to anxiety disorder or panic attacks, which I feel are very organic in nature, and come on even without conscious provoking thoughts. I'm speaking today more of my thought processes, the ideas I have control over. My broken records. These thoughts, mainly centered around my parenting, can overwhelm and welcome physical anxiety symptoms. These thoughts are repetitive, recurring, and consistant.

The above blog post gave great advice about being "confidently uncertain," basically admitting to yourself that you're unsure about what you're doing, but affirming that you think it is likely the right thing to do, and that you can and will figure it out, make it work, live on.

By changing my nightly mantra from "I'm afraid I'm ruining my kids" to "I'm unsure what I'm doing, but it seems to be working, and I'm confident we'll figure this out" I think I may be able to master some of my habitual anxiety.

Do you have broken records? What are you telling yourself? Can you tweak those messages into healthier affirmations? -A

Our education philosophy- always evolving

When my children were young, I taught at a private religious preschool. They attended alongside me, N starting at 3, and M at 18 months. Then we moved to another state when I became a single mom, and again I worked at a school, which they attended. This was for N's grades 1-5 and M's K-4. When I married, and later moved to Colorado, it was mid school year. My idea was to homeschool the boys through the remainder of their 4th and 5th grade years, not wanting to plop them into a new school in January in a new town, new state. I didn't realize how this break from public school would change me, change us all.

The first thing I did was hook up with a large local homeschooling community. I never realized all the different reasons people were not using the public system. Having spent ten years in a fundamental Christian environment when my sons were little, I only knew about those homeschooling for religious reasons. I was shocked, firstly, at how many families are not traditional schoolers in the Denver area. Secondly, it was eye-opening to find a myriad of people groups represented in this community. Yes, there are religious people, but there are also free thinkers, atheists, and many people just have kids that don't fit in the box. There are kids with special needs, kids with cancer, kids with athletic careers, and families who travel and won't be tied down. The reasons for not participating in M-F brick and mortar schools are quite numerous.

In the last year and a half we have left public school, spent months de-schooling, attended public school virtually, used another public option which was less structured and had one day a week attendance, and explored unschooling, both as an educational model and as a lifestyle. I can't say that any one experience has won us over completely, but unschooling as an educational model has come close. This year we are using a private umbrella school that keeps us in line with the state laws, offers a few guidelines, but allows individual families to meet their educational needs with freedom and autonomy. At the end of the year, I'll submit a report with details about our year, how we addressed core subjects, and my kids can then build transcripts through their teenage years. At this point, I feel pretty confident labeling ourselves as eclectic life learners.

I feel optimistic about this upcoming school year. The kids have made meaningful connections in our diverse local homeschool/unschool group. They also have neighbor friends. Most importantly, they have become such good friends with each other. I am so grateful to have discovered our choices in education. We continue to evolve as a family, and as individuals. We're all learning so much and becoming more aware members of society.  -A