Since
losing our pregnancy a year ago, and moving on from trying to conceive, S and I
have been slowly healing and regaining a sense of control over our lives. It
was bumpy at first, but gradually we've gotten more comfortable with refocusing
our attention on my two boys and our life together. Every once in a while I see
something so poignant, I gasp, and mourn for what we'll never have. While
with friends today, I saw two big brothers fawning over their baby sister. These
boys are about the same ages as my boys, and the baby was born within months of
our due date with our lost girl. When I watch these siblings interact, I get a
glimpse of what we wanted for our family. Some people call babies born after
divorce and remarriage joiner babies, a way to bring both sides together. What
I need to focus on is that although S and I can't have children together, we do
have a family. We do have love, tons of it, and we are joined. We've got each other. We’re
all sad we can't add a baby to our home, but there is no mistaking the privilege we
have, just being able to live our lives together. Onward!
Us, circa 2007
Of course that would leave you breathless, like a physical blow. I'm sorry.
ReplyDelete(You are all so adorable together. Just had to add that.)
Seeing this family is beautiful, awe-inspiring, and painful at the same time. I adore them. I wish we had what they have. But I know we are very lucky to have what we do have. And sometimes I think I'll never get over what we don't have, but I've got to keep trying. We only get one shot at life!
DeleteThank you :) My guys were so little back then!
What a beautiful post. What a beautiful family.
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you, Nan. I felt like I couldn't get the wording right on this one. I knew how I *felt* but couldn't seem to make the words match up. I'm glad you read and commented. xo
Deleteit’s so hard to move on from the idea of what could have been, even when you have so much.
ReplyDeleteyou have a beautiful family.
xoxoxo
Thank you, Lori! There is a freedom and peace in moving on from the roller coaster that is IF treatment. We are all healthier having left that behind, despite our outcome. XO
Delete