Since losing our pregnancy a year ago, and moving on from trying to conceive, S and I have been slowly healing and regaining a sense of control over our lives. It was bumpy at first, but gradually we've gotten more comfortable with refocusing our attention on my two boys and our life together. Every once in a while I see something so poignant, I gasp, and mourn for what we'll never have. While with friends today, I saw two big brothers fawning over their baby sister. These boys are about the same ages as my boys, and the baby was born within months of our due date with our lost girl. When I watch these siblings interact, I get a glimpse of what we wanted for our family. Some people call babies born after divorce and remarriage joiner babies, a way to bring both sides together. What I need to focus on is that although S and I can't have children together, we do have a family. We do have love, tons of it, and we are joined. We've got each other. We’re all sad we can't add a baby to our home, but there is no mistaking the privilege we have, just being able to live our lives together. Onward!
Us, circa 2007